We want to make sure that this Sunday we’re able to love your friends, family, co-workers and guests well! In order for that to happen, we’re asking for our regular attendees to commit to attend the 8:30 a.m. or 1 p.m. service. This will allow us to ensure that we have room for every person who attends.

If you’ve invited someone who can only attend the 10 a.m. or 11:30 a.m. services, by all means, go with them. But if not, we ask that you love our guests with us by attending one of our other service times.

Easter is an awesome opportunity to share the love of Christ with our city and community. We can’t wait to do that together in just a few short days. Keep inviting and we’ll see you on Friday!

— Pastor Chris


Help Us Love Well Together!

Within Guatemala City, Guatemala, there exists an area infamous for its stark poverty that is simply known as “the dump.” As Latin America’s second-largest garbage disposal site, it has spawned entire communities of lower-class families that turn to it as their source of daily income. The dump is a literal trash city: Squalid neighborhoods surround its perimeter as it sustains its own economy of salvagers who sell and recycle the scrap they can find amidst the 500 tons of refuse delivered there each day. Every morning, salvagers in search of a day’s wages hop aboard city garbage trucks that ferry them to the bustling heart of the waste site.

A team from Hoboken Grace spent a week with the community, returning last weekend after building a home for a family with [Potter’s House](http://pottershouse.org.gt/). The Christian nonprofit organization has been working in Guatemala City for 30 years, identifying families that could benefit from their aid and providing homes for them.

[![DSCF3961](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF3961-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF3961.jpg)

From March 5-12, the team from Hoboken Grace helped build a house for a family of five — three adults and two children. They have recently started a business that buys and sells the aluminum found in the dump. The mother is also three months pregnant.

“‘The dump’ is exactly what it sounds like — it’s a very poor area of Guatemala City located next to a giant dump,” said Erik Schlacter, one of the dozen people on the trip. “You don’t understand the severity of how bad it can be until you get there. People are laying on the street homeless, begging for food. We got to visit a few houses, and there were live wires dangling from the ceiling. They were just living a really hard, hard life.”

The team stayed in off-site housing provided by Potter’s House. Each morning they would have breakfast together before being bused on-site. After a brief devotional and run-down of the work to be done, they spent the day plastering walls, laying concrete floors and putting a roof on the house. Once complete, the home would replace the family’s shanty, which had just a single mattress and couch for the entire family.

“The houses are right on top of each other,” said Nicole Schlacter, Erik’s wife. “No real walls. It was aluminum and tarps over their roofs.”

[![DSCF5294 (1)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF5294-1-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF5294-1.jpg)

The family’s business is expected to prosper, but their lack of storage space forces them to sell all of their products each day. With their new home, the family hopes to provide their children with new opportunities and offer them everything they need.

“Now that they have a house with a key and a lock and a door, they’re able to flourish,” said Nicole.

A dedication ceremony was held once the house was complete. Fireworks were lit in the street, and children from the community ran in to see the bunk beds the team had built. The family wept tears of joy and presented the group with gifts to show their gratitude.

In spite of the impoverished conditions, Erik says that there was a definite sense of hope and joy among the people they met, and that the work being done by Potter’s House had made a powerful impact on the community. Potter’s House refers to the salvagers as “Treasures” to remind them that they were made in God’s image and that they are valuable to Him. The group was also able to spend time with the children, playing soccer and Duck, Duck, Goose, and coloring.

“The group was so close,” added Erik. “Everyone got along. There were nights that were just filled with tears and laughter. We would share meals every single day and pray together. The group that we went with was probably one of the highlights of the trip. We couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to go down and serve with.”

[![DSCF3458](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF3458-1024x725.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF3458.jpg)

During the afternoon, the team would also go for prayer walks, where they would deliver food and a Bible to families in the area. On their very first day, Nicole and Erik met a woman whose sister had recently become a victim of gang violence. Her daughter, who had witnessed it, had been traumatized by the incident. But the woman’s attitude was nevertheless humbling. She communicated joy that they had basic necessities.

Nicole said the entire visit to Guatemala City was eye-opening.

“The poverty outside of the dump is unlike anything you can imagine,” she said. “It’s overwhelming. It’s just… a lot to take in.”

A team from Hoboken Grace travels to Guatemala City [each year](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/building-love-and-a-house-in-guatemala-city/) to work with Potter’s House. Some of the team members were making a return trip, and Nicole and Erik say they intend to do the same.

“I was truly blown away by this experience,” said Erik. “The people that we met, the group that we went with, the devotion with God every single day — you could just feel the Holy Spirit with you every single minute of the trip. The perspective that we have now is amazing.”

_To learn more about mission trips at Hoboken Grace, [click here](http://hobokengrace.com/mission-trips/)._

[![DSCF5297](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF5297-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/DSCF5297.jpg)


Hope and a Home in Guatemala City

Once a month at Hoboken Grace, we celebrate [baptism ](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/category/baptism/)with members of our church family. It’s a physical symbol that represents a spiritual change — a new life found in Christ.

This month is no different. We will be celebrating baptisms next on [Easter Sunday](http://hobokengrace.com/easter/). (You can find out more by attending one of the [baptism classes](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/13986) held after each service this week.)

For Margarita, who took the [step](http://hobokengrace.com/nextsteps/) several weeks ago, baptism was a public declaration. It was a commitment, she says, that she wanted to celebrate with other people. The Writing Team recently asked her a few questions about her decision and her journey.

**How did you hear about Hoboken Grace?**

I moved to Jersey City in November 2015 from Chicago and was working in New York City a few times a month. When I came here, I started attending a church in the city regularly but found the church too big, with a lack of community and connection with other members of the church. Before long, my boyfriend and I tried two or three other churches but never really found a “home.” One day, my boyfriend did a Google search and found Hoboken Grace. We decided to go that Sunday and when we walked in, one of the first songs they played was “Oceans” by Hillsong, which is one of my favorite songs. Right then, I felt that this was a sign from God and that we were finally home.

**What made you decide to join Hoboken Grace?**

As soon as we walked into Hoboken Grace, my boyfriend and I immediately felt at home. Everyone was so welcoming, and we really enjoyed the huge presence of community within the church. I started volunteering with Hoboken Grace Kids, joined a dinner group, and the rest is history!

**What steps did you take to get baptized?**

One day after service, I went to the intro class “Next” and learned what the steps were in a pamphlet which was given to new members at the meeting. I had been thinking about being baptized for a little over a year and it just seemed like the right time for me. Angie \[from the Family Life Team\] and my dinner group made themselves available to me for any questions I had and I also attended a baptism class before actually getting baptized.

**What made you decide to get baptized?**

I stopped going to church after my parents got divorced, and about a year ago, I went through some difficult times and found myself turning to God in my time of need. I looked into baptism as a Christian and really liked that it symbolizes a public declaration of Christ and that it is your own decision, not your parents’ or anybody else’s. I believe baptism is a beautiful way of celebrating your commitment to Christ, and I made the decision to do it surrounded by people who wanted to share in that moment with me!

[![Margarita_4](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/Margarita_4-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/Margarita%5F4.jpg)

_If you are interested in learning more about taking the step of baptism, “What is Baptism” will be offered after each service on Sunday. For more questions, email Sarah at sarah@hobokengrace.com._


A Commitment Worth Celebrating

For Shanta, Hoboken Grace’s annual Easter Egg Hunt brings her family together to share in the excitement of the event, but also to discuss the true meaning of Easter.

Each spring after moving to Cliffside Park four years ago, Shanta looked for a fun, inexpensive Easter activity for her children but found nothing in their neighborhood. Then, two years ago, she stumbled upon Hoboken Grace’s free [Easter Egg Hunt](http://hobokengrace.com/egghunt/) online. She drove to Hoboken with her friend and two girls to check it out. She had no idea it was connected to a church with a kids ministry — something Shanta was also looking for.

The girls enjoyed activities such as face painting and taking a picture with the Easter bunny. They also loved every aspect of the Easter Egg Hunt, which is why Shanta brought them back the following year and is looking forward to this year’s hunt. “The girls wear their bunny ears to play dates, and tell their friends all about the event, even if it happened a few days or weeks ago,” she says.

For Shanta, the best part of the goodie bags were the snack clips with Hoboken Grace’s logo on them. She has them all over the house, securely fastening potato chip and cereal bags. “I see them every day, and one day, the bright orange clip made me curious enough to find out more about the church,” she says.

She had been praying for a church to attend as well, and wanted to find one that resembled the church she grew up in. “I was attracted to Hoboken Grace’s mission statement and to their strong Sunday school program,” Shanta says.

“I think God speaks to us all in a language we understand, no matter the age, and I am happy that the kids ministry team has helped my girls build a solid foundation in Christ,” she adds.

The Easter Egg Hunt has also helped her children learn more about Jesus, prompting discussions at the dinner table about the real meaning of Easter. Shanta explains the sentimental value Easter has for her and how Jesus’ resurrection is celebrated. The girls enjoy these conversations and have been inspired lately to ask about baptism after seeing one of their friends get baptized onstage.

This year, Shanta plans to invite friends to one of the two Easter Egg Hunts. She says she will never forget the warm welcome she received from Rachel, one of the volunteers. And what’s more, she says, it led to a significant turning point in her life.

“Easter is more special to me now,” she says. “Because besides the hunt and celebrating the Resurrection, it marks the time when I decided to learn about Hoboken Grace and get involved in the powerful, God-loving community there.”

_To register for one of this year’s two hunts, or to sign up to volunteer, [click here](http://hobokengrace.com/egghunt/)._ 


The Easter Egg Hunt That Changed Everything

Are you interested in going on a [mission trip](http://hobokengrace.com/mission-trips/) this year? Are you worried that you’ve waited too long to sign up? Don’t fret: There’s still time!

[Mission trips](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/category/mission-trip/) are an opportunity to serve the physical and spiritual needs of others as you show them the love of Christ. Sound like something you’d like to do? Check out these four awesome trips.

**Seoul, South Korea: April 29 – May 6**

This mission trip partners with [Liberty in North Korea](http://www.libertyinnorthkorea.org/) (LiNK) to help resettle refugees who have risked everything to escape oppression in North Korea. Team members will spend time with the refugees, helping them with their English and exposing them to American culture.

Those who have been on the trip say they have learned so much in return about resiliency and perseverance — North Koreans must travel a minimum of 2,000 miles while risking their lives to get out of the country. This is a great organization that helps brave individuals rebuild lives with the promise of true freedom. To find out more, attend the [informational meeting](https://www.facebook.com/events/1261164383897763/) on Sunday, March 13th, from 2-3 p.m. in the Study at 301 Garden.

[![2013-04-1023.15.35](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/10/2013-04-1023.15.35-1024x765.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/10/2013-04-1023.15.35.jpg)

**Sierra Leone: May 9 – 15**

Hoboken Grace will be working with [World Hope International](https://www.worldhope.org/), a Christian relief organization committed to community development in Sierra Leone. Team member Jim Mannoia says the trip will focus on helping provide clean water in areas affected by the Ebola outbreak.

Team leader Chris High emphasizes that the trip will be largely exploratory this year. “We’ve been able to work with World Hope as a financial partner for the past couple years, but we want to get involved in a hands-on way moving forward,” he says. “This year our goal is to identify how we can do that in a way that impacts their mission the most.”

**[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/11164837_10100701163265270_5451133910583059964_n-e1457668001670.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/11164837%5F10100701163265270%5F5451133910583059964%5Fn-e1457668001670.jpg)Tuxtla Gutierrez, Mexico: May 28 – June 4**

While partnering with [Casa Hogar Alegre](http://casahogaralegre.org/), an organization that cares for orphaned, abandoned and abused children, the main focus of this trip will be to provide love, support and opportunity for these little ones to grow in mind, body and spirit. Previous teams have shared their [stories](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/portraits-the-varelas/) and God’s love with the kids, which in turn allowed the children to feel safe, cared for and comforted.

During the course of the week, participants bonded with those at Casa Hogar Alegre, and many say the experience humbled them and deepened their dependence on God. “Working at Casa Hogar allowed me to reflect on my life and increase my gratitude,” says Andrea Lopez, who intends to return this year. “I also saw how these children had such an authentic relationship with God, and it caused me to consciously examine my own relationship with Him.”

**Nairobi, Kenya: August (dates TBD)**

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/09/photo-e1457589886316.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/09/photo-e1457589886316.jpg)This trip will take you to the [Rehema Home orphanage](http://www.rehemahome.org/), where you will support the children by participating in various activities and in cooking, cleaning and maintenance. The goal of the trip is to build relationships with the 60-plus children at Rehema, letting them know they are loved and valued in the process. On [past trips](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/thumb-wars-and-mr-giggles-kenya-mission-trip-memories/), team members have built a girls bathroom, led Vacation Bible School, painted, played games with the children and taught the kids about social media safety.

Sarah Fishbein, who has served in Kenya on and off over the past 10 years, had this to say: “When I first decided to go on a mission trip, I was scared but interested to see what I could offer to the kids at the home. Boy was I wrong with the outcome. The mission trips I have participated in did more to transform my own heart and spirit. God showed me what love looks like in the heart of His children. It was a love I could not let go of or forget. Over the last 10 years, I have seen small children grow into young adults who love Christ. Their faith is deeper and stronger than mine, and every time I interact with them, I am humbled by their spirit.”

Don’t miss out on being a part of a life-changing experience, for both you and those you’ll serve. Registration for the May trips will begin wrapping up later this month, so don’t wait. Begin praying today about how God can use you to serve across the globe. For more information, email Anthony at anthony@hobokengrace.com.


Where Will You Go?

We are just a few weeks away from our biggest celebration of the year! With all that God is doing in our city, we have so much to celebrate this Easter. And there are so many things to look forward to.

Here are five things to get egg-cited about:

**1). Two hunts are better than one**

For the first time, Hoboken Grace is offering not one, but TWO Easter egg hunts. That’s right – the largest Easter egg hunt in Hudson County is getting even bigger. And have we mentioned the 20,000 Easter eggs? There will also be bounce houses, face painting, crafts, carnival games and pictures with the Easter bunny!

It’s all happening Saturday, March 19th, at Mama Johnson Field in Hoboken (4th and Jackson Street). The event is free, but registration for the two hunts (10 a.m.-12 p.m. and 1-3 p.m.) is required. [Sign up now.](http://hobokengrace.com/easter-egg-hunt-registration/)

**2). A great way to love our city**

The Easter Egg Hunt is a great opportunity to give back to our community. And each year, volunteers spend the day painting faces, running carnival game booths and taking Easter bunny photos. For the first time, volunteers can register ahead of time with the team they want to join. Have you ever dreamed of being Flopsy, Mopsy or Peter Cottontail? This is your chance. [Sign up here.](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/18454)

[![hunt](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/hunt-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/03/hunt.jpg)

**3). Easter Sunday is the perfect opportunity to invite a friend**

Is there someone you’ve been meaning to invite to church for months? [There is no better time to invite them than Easter](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/a-prayer-for-easter/). There are plenty of options with four services on Easter Sunday, March 27th. The services are at 8:30 a.m., 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m. and 1 p.m. Grace Kids will be offered at all services on Easter Sunday. There is also a Good Friday service at 7:30 p.m. on Friday, March 25th. This will be an incredible celebration that you won’t want your friends to miss! Which brings us to …

**4). The choir is back!**

If you loved the Christmas choir, you’re in luck. The [Spring Choir](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/sing-into-spring-why-you-should-join-the-choir/) has been practicing for months. And because they only perform a few times a year, make sure you catch them on Easter Sunday!

**5). Crossroad Community Church launches weekly services**

Pastor Paul Mansala, a former Hoboken Grace intern, is launching weekly services at his Jersey City church plant on Easter. It’s a huge step for [Crossroad Community Church](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/crossroad-community-church-launches-first-services/), which began holding monthly services in December. We can’t wait to see how God uses this church! You can find out more about Crossroad [here](http://www.crossroadjc.com/).


Five Reasons to Get Egg-Cited for Easter

This March, Dario Torres, who has been a part of the Hoboken Grace community since its early days, is saying farewell to New Jersey and hello to Japan. For the next three years, Dario will be serving with [The Navigators](https://www.navigators.org/Home) student ministry at Shizuoka University. This new chapter in Dario’s life is the culmination of years of prayer, spiritual growth and personal healing.

Ever since college, Dario says he knew he wanted to be a missionary. As a junior, he spent an entire summer in the Philippines with The Navigators ministry. When he applied, Dario had no idea what to expect. And in the end, his official roles — teaching English and math, and leading Bible study with high school students — paled in comparison to his experience of life with people in his neighborhood.

For six weeks, Dario lived in a slum with a family with four kids, in a house the size of his room back in the United States. He spent time learning the language, eating the same food, and showing them as best as he could that he wanted to love them as one of them. That experience, says Dario, “changed my life.” He applied to go on missions right after college graduation.

During the application process, however, he realized that he still had a lot of work to do on himself. And over the next five years, as he confronted destructive addictions and sought personal healing, he learned that his own health and experience of God’s presence had to come before anything else. “My goal in life is not to be a missionary,” he says now. “My goal in life is to love God and love people, and I can do that anywhere.”

A few years ago, Dario felt God telling him that the time had come to spend more energy loving people, and less energy trying to fix himself. He had been reading Bob Goff’s “[Love Does](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0078FA8HU/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1),” and decided that he needed to “just do something” to love people. Dario examined his gifts and talents, using the Empower track at Hoboken Grace’s one-day [Amplify](http://hobokengrace.com/amplify/) event, and began to consider missions again.

Having worked for a Japanese company for years, Dario already knew that there were many things about Japanese culture that resonated with him. Dario took another trip with The Navigators, this time to explore if and where God might call him to missions. Now, Dario felt certain God was calling him to serve with The Navigators in Japan.

[![IMG_0055](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/IMG_0055-1024x765.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/IMG%5F0055.jpg)

“Their ministry in Japan is almost exactly what I did in college as an RA,” he explains. “The Navigators build relationships with the students, and that’s what I loved most about being an RA: sharing my life with the students and seeing the students come into community and build relationships.” For the next three years, Dario will be working full time with the students at Shizuoka University.

He began fundraising for his trip about a year ago, and the funds came quickly. Still, Dario was surprised when two large donations wrapped up his fundraising in January, earlier than expected. “It reminded me that God is in control, not me,” he says. But he emphasizes that even if the funding hadn’t come, he wouldn’t worry. “What I want to do with my life is love God,” says Dario. “I don’t need to be a missionary to do that. This missions trip is just a means.”

To learn about this trip and partner with Dario in prayer during his time in Japan, please contact him at datorres87@[gmail.com](http://gmail.com/).


On a Mission to Love

_[This past Sunday](http://hobokengrace.com/podcast/flee/), Pastor Chris talked about the dangerous aspects of relationships and how we can establish guardrails in that area of our lives. For some people, he said, the guardrail that’s needed most is to step outside of relationships for an entire year. “You need to really wrestle with whether or not you need to reset the whole thing, and allow God to redefine this for you,” he said. “And trust Him that he loves you enough to do it in a way that’s best for you.” This is the story of someone who did just that, trusting God to redefine her view of relationships._

When my last relationship ended, I was left with a pile of regrets and insecurities. In the past, I’ve let these emotions overwhelm me, but this time, in the middle of the hurt, confusion and frustration, I was determined to not repeat the same pattern. This time, I decided to cling to God like never before. And after prayer and fasting, it was clear to me that God wanted me to take a break from dating… for a year.

Romantic relationships have always followed the same pattern for me. I’m interested in a guy, and within a few days, he knows the most intimate details of my life. When we start dating, I forget about friends, family and even myself, as I focus on him. I daydream about marriage and start planning the details of the big day in my head. I have a way of convincing even my most skeptical best friends that this time, I’ve found “the one.” And when that relationship ended, the next time I was able to talk them into it again, and then again.

The fear of being alone, coupled with flashbacks of my parents’ failed marriage, haunted me. I didn’t know my worth. I didn’t know that God was hurting as I spent countless nights sobbing in my college dorm because of a failed relationship with a guy who I thought loved me. Every time it happened I lost another part of me.

By the summer after my freshman year, I felt like I had lost all of me. I was completely emotionless, and my body was tired. It was tired of not being respected and tired of carrying life and then death. I stopped eating and spent too much time sleeping.

The only thing that was able to bring me back to life was Jesus.

With Jesus, my identity isn’t found in a man full of empty promises or an “I love you.” My identity is found in Christ, the only One capable of providing perfect and unselfish love.

Five years ago, I made a vow that I was going to remain celibate until marriage. Having pre-marital sex had just left me with scars. Even that decision wasn’t enough to kill the idol that relationships had become in my life, though, and so a year of not dating began.

Trusting God with my romantic relationships has been the most difficult decision I have made, but it has been the decision that has given me the most peace and fulfillment.

During this year of no dating I have learned that for far too long in my life, I have ignored that God made me for much more than being someone’s girlfriend. I spend more time in His Word now and because of that, the doors that need to be opened or closed are much clearer. It’s an ongoing process that I have had to get used to.

What does a dating fast look like? For me it looks like not meeting with guys one-on-one, not talking to guys on the phone after 10 p.m. and making sure I’m surrounded by friends if I’m at an event with a guy I know I like. I have slipped up a few times, but my community at Hoboken Grace always reminds me of why I started this journey.

Sometimes during this year, I’ve asked God to reward me with husband material right after the fast ends. His response is to stop expecting what’s not certain and take in my life day by day, working for Him and not man.

I can honestly say that I am now content with whatever plan God has for me in the future, and I want to take advantage of every day without regrets. Right now, I have family members who don’t know God’s love, and I can’t waste time not praying. I have a strong desire to help poor communities of color succeed, and I have God-given talents that can’t be wasted. I have a mission to fulfill, and I have no need to worry.

If I do get married and have a family in the future, I can say I have learned through this fast to rely on God through every upcoming obstacle. And if it doesn’t happen, I now know He’s all I need anyway.


My One-Year Dating Fast

_Portraits is an occasional series that captures stories across our community, one photo at a time._

For years as a kid, Brandon Black would lie in bed at night and stare up at a miniature replica fighter plane hung above his bed.

The plane was an F4U Corsair, the exact model flown by Mr. Vander Horst in World War II.

“He wasn’t just a fighter pilot,” says Brandon. “Mr. Vander Horst was also an extremely successful businessman and the coolest, most genuine and humble guy I knew. ”

He was also Brandon’s fifth-grade Sunday school teacher.

“Looking back, it’s a good thing we had someone with a military background,” says Brandon. “There were at least six boys in the class. And we were all into spears and slingshots and running around in the woods.”

The boys spent a lot of time in class building model airplanes and cars, and listening to Mr. Vander Horst’s stories.

“I wish I could say that there was some big life lessons he taught me,” says Brandon. “But it wasn’t like that, or maybe it was and I just totally missed the takeaway. But what I do remember is feeling incredibly special that this amazing, cool older guy chose to spend time with us every week. He didn’t have to be there, he wasn’t anybody’s dad. But he showed up for us and talked to us like we were people, not just kids.”

[![unspecified-2](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/unspecified-2.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/unspecified-2.jpg)

Nearly twelve years after Brandon finished building his model plane, he boarded a flight that would determine the direction of the next decade of his life. That flight was from his hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska, to Newark, New Jersey.

“I remember I flew in that morning, interviewed all day and then flew out that night,” says Brandon. “I didn’t know anything about New Jersey. I always wanted to live somewhere like Denver and go hiking and skiing on the weekends. But in the end I chose the industry I loved over the place I loved.”

While Brandon thrived at his new job, he admits that his personal life was fractured and disjointed.

“My apartment was in Hoboken, but I worked in Mahwah and went to church somewhere else. When I hung out with friends we would go into NYC or just get out of town for the weekend,” says Brandon. “Hoboken was just somewhere I slept, it wasn’t home. I was living with one foot out the door. I always thought I was about to move.”

But after five years of living like this, Brandon knew that things had to change. He needed to commit to something to give himself boundaries.

“I would just stay at work until 9 or 10 at night,” says Brandon. “I’m sure I wasn’t very efficient that late, but I could tell myself I was still getting something done. And there wasn’t anything to come home to anyway.”

Brandon decided to commit to Hoboken Grace, a church he had only casually visited before. With his engineering background, he figured he would get involved by joining the finance team. But God had a different plan. He left the Impact Fair having committed to trying out kids ministry.

[![Brandon.and.friend](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Brandon.and_.friend.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Brandon.and%5F.friend.jpg)

“I used to be a camp counselor when I was in high school, but I had never worked with kids as young as 10 or 11 before,” says Brandon. “And it felt a little awkward being the only guy teacher. But I kept on thinking about Mr. Vander Horst. I’m not a fighter pilot, but I could be that guy who consistently shows up, just because he cares, to teach the kids.”

Brandon’s calendar looks different than it used to. Instead of just work Monday through Friday and weekend trips, he has dinner group on Monday nights and volunteers at TRUE mentors on Tuesdays. On Sundays he leads the fourth- and fifth-grade Clubhouse kids, teaching them about Jesus, just like Mr. Vander Horst did.

“For the first time in my life, I’m turning weekend trips down or leaving early so that I can be in Hoboken on Sunday morning,” says Brandon. “I finally feel like I actually live here. My life is centered somewhere. I have an anchor and a bigger purpose.”

Brandon used to ask his parents for a little brother for Christmas. He never got that little brother, and although he always thought he would be married with kids of his own by now, that hasn’t happened yet either.

But recently, while Brandon was cleaning up after class, one of the kids’ grandparents approached him.

“I just wanted to let you know that my grandson wakes up early every Sunday because he is excited to come to Sunday school and hang out with you,” she said.

Brandon isn’t living where he thought he would live, and he doesn’t have a family of his own yet. But for the first time since getting on that plane to New Jersey, he feels like he has a home and a family right here in Hoboken. And what’s more, he’s making Hoboken feel like home and family for others.

[![DSCF1200](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/DSCF1200.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/DSCF1200.jpg)


PORTRAITS: Back to the 5th Grade

At Hoboken Grace, the First Impressions Team is responsible for welcoming and creating a comfortable environment for people to connect with God and one another. They make everyone feel at home by opening the doors with a simple smile, having food out in abundance, helping newcomers get connected, and setting up the space where the opportunity to build relationships with one another is possible. Hoboken Grace’s homemakers, the team bridges the gap every Sunday between newcomers and over 800 regular attendees who were once new faces.

To get an inside look at how the First Impressions Team plays a part in Hoboken Grace’s mission to bring people back to God, we interviewed members of the greeting team and found four reasons why you should consider joining if you’re not already involved.

**They call it family**

It has been said that it’s not about what you do, but who you do it with that makes a difference.

“The team has made me feel known and loved — it’s like being part of a family,” says Melissa. “My personality and gifts are welcomed and used for God’s glory.” She says it’s a great starting point for anyone who is looking to serve and likes welcoming people, as she has felt so welcomed herself.

“You’re part of a close-knit team, so there’s an amazing social aspect to serving as well,” says Laura. “You’re catching up with your friends each week while you prep for the services and greet at the door.”

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/portraits-e1455090801992.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/portraits-e1455090801992.jpg)

**It’s a chance to connect with the community**

The team is dedicated to welcoming and loving everyone, inside and outside the church, quite literally. “Personally, I want the people who come through the door to feel welcome, to feel that we’ve been waiting for them to join us, and to feel that they belong at Hoboken Grace,” says Melissa. “I want them to know we are so glad they came.”

Grant loves seeing the ripple effect of the team’s service. “I love how our joy spills out into the streets outside 301 Garden. I watch the people of this community who walk by and take a look at what is going on. I can see the intrigue on their faces — ‘What is this place? Is that a church? Are those people having fun? Could it be that they’re normal like the rest of us?’ ”

**The act is small, but the impact is significant**

A smile, hug, handshake, or simple hello goes a long way, Grant says. “A woman that had no intention of coming into the church was walking by and we caught her attention by saying hello; after getting a chance to have some fun chatting with her and finding out how she had been hurt by the church many years back and didn’t trust it, she left … but later came back with a dozen cupcakes for our whole First Impressions Team. She met four people that day — all who love Jesus and loved her in that moment.” Grant says he finds a lot of joy and hope in knowing that God is working in moments like that.

  
**[![Sundays_9.20_Averill-9-3 (1)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Sundays_9.20_Averill-9-3-1.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Sundays%5F9.20%5FAverill-9-3-1.jpg)It’s a chance to give back to God what is His**

For Laura, serving is an opportunity to give her time back to God — plus it’s fun! Being on a committed team has also added a layer of accountability to her life. “I have the privilege of being able to serve God and our community each week by forming relationships and loving others,” she says.

“It has taught me about obedience, service, and joy,” says Grant. “Obedience and service in the sense I’m continually learning how to not hoard my time for my own personal gain, but to spend a few hours feeding others.”

“What better way to show your love to Him than spending the limited resource (time) that He gave us with Him,” adds Tasheka.

**The First Impressions Team**

**Mission:** Ensures that every person who joins us on Sunday morning feels like they’ve come home.

**The commitment:** Serves on Sunday mornings.

**How you can join or find out more information:** Email [anthony@hobokengrace.com](mailto:milius@hobokengrace.com).

_Want to learn more about serving on a team at Hoboken Grace? [Reach out to the Engagement Team](http://hobokengrace.com/serve/) or attend our_ [_Engage_](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9294) _class on the first Sunday of every month._ 


First Impressions, Lasting Connections

I woke up hung-over. My memory of the night before was blurry. The worst part was that this was nothing new for me. It was a regular part of my life. Feeling guilty and nauseous was almost routine.

As I stumbled through my apartment, I came across a Hoboken Grace card and granola bar that someone had handed me at the PATH a few weeks before. With only half of my brain awake, I somehow made the best decision of my life. I decided then and there to see what this church thing was all about. That decision changed everything.

I threw myself into life at Hoboken Grace. I joined a dinner group, served as a greeter, took the step of baptism and became best friends with a girl who dedicated an insane amount of time and energy to help me grow in every area of life.

But even as I took these steps, the tension between this new direction I wanted to take and my lifestyle was growing unbearable.

I was still making really unhealthy decisions. And I no longer felt like those decisions were who I was. Being hung-over and filled with regret never feels good, but if you do it long enough you get used to it. It just becomes a part of your life. But now that I had made the decision to follow Christ, I had people in my life challenging me — _You are better than that, Rachel! This isn’t who you are. This isn’t what God wants for your life. Life can be so much more joyful._

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/7d2b7818-1434-4b69-8ac6-fe05571d4746-e1455204726145.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/7d2b7818-1434-4b69-8ac6-fe05571d4746-e1455204726145.jpg)When I met with Pastor Chris and shared all my “stuff,” he just had one thing to say — “Why don’t you try not drinking for awhile?” I think I laughed out loud. I told him that was crazy, I told him I would have no friends and nothing to do. He just looked at me and said, “Why not give it a try? What do you have to lose?” As the words sank in, he challenged me to not drink for 40 days. I didn’t really believe it would work. But he had a point: What did I have to lose?

And then something amazing happened. During those 40 days I experienced life with no hangovers and no new regret. I felt GREAT. I began to learn how to live my life without drugs, alcohol and guys. During those 40 days I learned that I couldn’t put myself back in the same situations and expect to succeed.

It was then that I stumbled across a podcast called “Guardrails.” The subtitle mentioned putting boundaries in areas of your life to protect you from disaster. This was clearly for me. As I listened to the series, I knew that I had to start putting up guardrails in my life when it came to partying. Getting drunk wasn’t the only issue; it was what that led me to do. It led me to do things that I would never do sober. It led to disaster.

Putting up guardrails in my life wasn’t a one-step process. It was messy and hard work. As I moved through those 40 days (and the coming years) I learned how to put boundaries in place to keep me safe. At first, my guardrails around drinking were really intense. But that’s exactly what I needed in that season. Going to bars was out of the question, because I had zero self-control.

Over the past seven years, those guardrails have been adjusted, but I still have guardrails. And all of my close friends know this about me, so there is always accountability. I need accountability in my life. I think we all do. It’s humbling and sometimes annoying, but if it helps me make better decisions and leads to a fuller and more joyful life, it’s absolutely worth it.

Guys were the other area in my life where I needed guardrails to keep me safe. I remember laughing hysterically when my friend asked me to trust God and not have sex until I was married. REALLY?! That ship had sailed. It was too late to make that decision now, right? The whole conversation just seemed ridiculous.

I was wrong again. As I began to put guardrails in my life around my relationships with guys, I began to experience a better life. I don’t think I realized just how much pain I was causing myself until I experienced life without it. I also learned a lot about myself. I saw just how much of my value I was placing in relationships. When I didn’t have that anymore, it left a gaping hole, and I had to learn how to go to God with that emptiness and ask Him to help me.

That’s the thing with guardrails; you can put them in place and have accountability partners, but you still need God. I have never seen God work so clearly in my life than when I come to Him in these situations — “God, I know that this is what you want in my life, and I’m trying to do the right thing, but can you help me make the right decisions?” He has come through every time.

I will always have guardrails in my life. The boundaries I need will shift, but there will always be something —something that promises fun and excitement, but never delivers and will leave me feeling more empty inside. God tells us what leads to life and what leads to death. The question is whether or not we believe Him, and if we believe Him, what are we going to do about it?


Guardrails: You Want Me To Do WHAT?

Once a year each spring, dozens of bales of hay are hauled into Hoboken and strewn across a playing field. Underneath lie thousands of pastel Easter eggs, ready to be scooped up and cracked open by ecstatic kids.

The event — which also includes pictures with the Easter bunny, carnival games, bounce houses and face painting — has grown so big that Hoboken Grace is holding not one, but two Easter egg hunts this year, both on March 19th. The hunt is open to children of all ages and completely free. It’s a great way to love the community and build relationships.

Two years ago, shortly after moving 3,000 miles away from their friends and family, the Taylors brought their son, Jackson, to the event. As they watched him search for eggs, it was there that they, too, found a place to call home.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/easter-2-e1455171181198.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/easter-2-e1455171181198.jpg)“We knew no one, didn’t know the city, and our first holiday on the East Coast was quickly approaching,” recalls Heather. “My son was turning 2 two days after Easter, so I was full of emotions over being so far away and not being able to celebrate Easter and a birthday with our family.”

Wanting to do something fun for Jackson, Heather and her husband, Michael, searched for a nearby community event. A Google search led them to Hoboken Grace’s Easter Egg Hunt. Heather says she talked to Jackson for days about hunting eggs and seeing the Easter bunny.

“When Jackson saw the field with eggs, he finally understood and it took both of us holding him back until it was time to hunt,” she says. “Once we released him, he ran out, grabbed one egg, opened it, and his eyes lit up. … Candy is a rare treat in our home, so he was beyond excited.”

Jackson loved the carnival games spread out around the field, Heather says, and also took a picture with the Easter bunny (even though he wasn’t a big fan).

“It was a great day, and even though we didn’t really know anyone, we left feeling happier, and certain that we could make this home,” she says.

Later that day, the couple started talking about attending a church. “We had no question that after how great we were treated at the hunt, Hoboken Grace would be the first one we checked out. The giving and love that were clearly on display solidified our choice,” Heather says.

“After one Sunday visit, we were convinced,” she says. “Hoboken Grace became our home and we’ve never looked back.”

_[You can pre-register](http://hobokengrace.com/egghunt/) now for Hoboken Grace’s two Easter egg hunts on March 19th at Mama Johnson Field (4th and Jackson). The event, which is free and open to all ages, will be held from 10 a.m.- 12 p.m. (with the first hunt starting promptly at 11:30 a.m.) and from 1 p.m.- 3 p.m. (with the hunt starting promptly at 2:30 p.m.)._ 


Hunting for Eggs and Finding a Place to Call Home


When Tiffany and Adam Croxton moved to Hoboken, they struggled to feel at home in a new place that moved much faster than life in Mississippi. As they tried to settle in, they realized they were both hungry for community and purpose. ”We discussed finding a church family,” says Tiffany. “But we didn’t make the effort to reach out or attend any services.”

Then one morning, as Tiffany was walking to the PATH on her way to work, a complete stranger handed her a granola bar and a little card, and genuinely wished her a nice day. She ate the granola and tucked the card away in her purse. That card sat there for about a month.

“Sporadically during that month, God reminded me about the card in my purse,” says Tiffany. “Then as I walked home after a particularly tough work week, I saw a sign for Hoboken Grace on a bus stop. The sign’s design incorporated a light bulb. At that moment I knew…” Adam and Tiffany agreed to check out Hoboken Grace the next Sunday.

Tiffany says she was drawn to Hoboken Grace by the boldly caring way she was approached. During the quick interaction with the man handing out granola bars, she says she “felt a sincerity and grace that, to me, is at the core of a Christian heart.”

“There are so many ways to love people and spread God’s word,” says Tiffany. “And in a society where we are over stimulated and interpersonal communication can be very superficial (and often purely perfunctory), I was refreshed by the smiling face, who cared for me, but wanted nothing in return.”

Many times we fear rejection when sharing God’s love, but we need to trust that God will work through us. You never know who you are impacting through acts of Simple Service.

“God can use the simplest of gestures to open someone’s eyes and hearts,” says Tiffany. “In a city of strangers, God is working through us to show his love for creation.”

_You can find out more about our Simple Service Team by attending the info meeting at 2 p.m. Sunday, February 14th in the Study at 301 Garden or by emailing anthony@hobokengrace.com._


The Power of a Simple Service


Eight years ago, a dream of planting a church in Hoboken became a reality in a dingy bingo hall. In those early months, only about two dozen people attended regularly. Services were held on Sunday evenings, at first on a monthly basis. There was no kids ministry, just a small play area set up in the hope that children would eventually show up.

This is the story of Year 1 at Hoboken Grace, as told by some of the people who have been there ever since.

**Ana High**  
[![Winter 2008 020](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Winter-2008-020_7407546164_o-300x300.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Winter-2008-020%5F7407546164%5Fo.jpg)

My very first memory of Hoboken Grace was about two years before its very first service. The cutest boy I have ever known got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife alongside the Hudson River with Manhattan as our backdrop. He rattled off a lot of stuff I can no longer remember, but I’ll never forget his invitation. He asked me to join him in making a difference in this city, in moving and starting Hoboken Grace with him. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I said yes to him and yes to Hoboken Grace, and Chris’ dream went from being just his and God’s to ours and God’s. It’s been eight years and that dream has morphed into a reality that is more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. Thank you, Hoboken Grace, for the past eight years. And happy birthday!

**Chris High**

I remember sitting in a dingy, dark, ugly room filled with the smell of smoke just shortly after our first service (we started in a bingo hall). I remember being overwhelmed by excitement that we’d finally launched what would be Hoboken Grace, fear of what the next few months would hold, hope that we would actually be able to impact this city, and faith that God could really do this. It’s been a really long journey from that night to this point, but so much of what we prayed for, dreamed of, and believed God wanted to do has begun to happen. It was an honor to be there that night. It’s an honor to be here today.

**Stephanie Lardaro**

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/ChurchHoboken-015_7407481768_o-e1454594088654.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/ChurchHoboken-015%5F7407481768%5Fo-e1454594088654.jpg)For the very first few months at Hoboken Grace, we didn’t even meet every week, we only met monthly. And for the first two years, we only had one service, at 6 p.m. Because of this, we did not have a kids ministry — we only had a few toys and a mat on the floor in a little corner. If even one baby showed up, we were so excited! It’s been so incredible to see how God has grown our church family, as we now have over 100 children in the kids ministry! Amazing.

**Dario Torres**

We used to meet at 5th and Willow and the services were Sunday evenings, which I really loved because I got to sleep in. When I joined, there were about thirty regular attendees, which made it really easy to get to know people. There were no kids back then since everyone was single and there were only a few married couples.

I clearly remember one of Chris’ first sermons because he mentioned going out Salsa dancing with Ana. He talked about the difficulty of trying to dance, and eventually discovering that it was a lot easier if he just leaned forward. He used this illustration as a way to encourage us to lean towards God when circumstances were difficult.

From the very beginning, Hoboken Grace (it was called “The Church at Hoboken” back then) has been a place where I have felt comfortable inviting my friends. It has been a unique privilege to be part of its growth from the very beginning and experience its change over time.

**Susi Milligan**

I was healing from a negative experience at another church when I started attending Hoboken Grace in August 2008\. My first service, I was cranky about the loud music and skeptical this start-up church could be different from my last — but something kept me coming back. The first year, I hung back and didn’t get involved much. But when I hit a significant breakup and loss of job, I turned to the people at Hoboken Grace to help me through the tough time. God used them to love me and show me what I had been missing in Him. That was the start of an amazing relationship with God in partnership with Hoboken Grace.

**Rachel Norris**

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/2016-02-07-Rachel-Norris-e1454566352197.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/2016-02-07-Rachel-Norris-e1454566352197.jpg)Within the first week of attending Hoboken Grace, I was invited to join a dinner group. I had never heard of “dinner groups,” so I likened it to a book club or some other type of girls’ get-together where we sit around, drink wine and talk about boys. I walked into group thinking, “What could I ever learn from these girls? Half of them are much younger than me, I’ve had way more life experiences than they have.” I had no idea that these girls would become my best friends and biggest supporters.

Over the course of my first year at Hoboken Grace, I entered a relationship that drastically changed the course of my life. My dinner group leader Ana taught me about God and showed me that life could be so very different. These girls introduced me to God’s love, taught me that he had a plan for my life and that it was good. I learned what healthy friendships looked like and what it felt like to have friends walking with me towards Christ.

My first year at Hoboken Grace was probably the best year of my life. It was challenging, hard and unbelievably fun, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

_Join us this Sunday for Hoboken Grace’s 8th birthday celebration!_


The Story of Hoboken Grace


Week in and week out, hundreds of people who call Hoboken Grace home invest their time, talents, and treasures to make Sunday morning happen and keep the conversation and community strong all week long.

And every few months, our church family sets aside a Friday evening for a special night of worship, prayer and reflection for the people who serve — [Teams Night](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/what-the-heck-is-teams-night/).

“Teams Night for me is time,” says Dana, Arts Director and Worship Leader at Hoboken Grace. “It’s time to slow down, to tune in to what God has for us, and to tune in to the people around us that we serve with every week.”

For Daniel Sanchez, a guitarist and leader on the Worship Team, it’s an opportunity to “get deeply intimate with God.”

Teams Night creates the space for the heart and soul of the church to rest well in order to love well — to reflect and to respond to what God is doing in and around us. It’s a time to meet with God, and to see how He is working in us individually, through our teams and as a church as a whole. It’s time to celebrate and be motivated and encouraged together.

“That’s an incredibly powerful thing to have happen and be a part of — coming together under one roof at one time and worshiping God for all He is and all He’s done,” says Dana.

[![DSCF4007](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSCF4007-e1454077037267-1024x515.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSCF4007.jpg)

That feeling of unity is also meaningful to Lee Denaro, another leader on the Worship Team.

“Worship at Teams Night feels so collective between every person inside that auditorium — on and off the stage,” he says. “It’s that feeling of being a part of a singular voice being pointed towards God as we worship Him together that gives me such joy and energy during every Teams Night.”

While Teams Night exists to bring together those who serve each week, it’s also an opportunity to consider where you can invest your time, talents and treasures if you’re not serving, and to consider your next step. It’s a place to get a glimpse of how God is using more than two dozen teams, and to [reflect on how He can use your gifts](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/teams-behind-the-scenes-at-teams-night/) as well.

In the busy world we live in, mapped out by schedules and meetings, tasks and due dates, our own personal plans and goals, time may sometimes appear to be working against us. But when we pause to zoom out and see the bigger picture, we can take a deep breath and see that God is using that time to work in us — in our own lives, on our teams, in our groups and as a church as a whole.

Join us for [Teams Night](https://www.facebook.com/events/1670030509910649/) on February 5th, 8 p.m. at 301 Garden St.


Teams Night: It’s Time

In working through conflict with people, I find that there is one thing that destroys lives faster than anything else. It’s not surprising. The Scriptures work hard to ensure that we understand the destruction that our words can cause, and yet we continue to experience the devastation because we aren’t in control of our tongues.

If you want to improve every relationship in your life, if you want to improve your ability to love drastically, if you want to significantly decrease the drama that follows you everywhere, the reality is that you can.

1. **Speak Last**

_Prov. 13:3_ _Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything._

Are you always the first one to chime in? Are you eager to share? Rein that in. Force yourself to speak last. It may be that the answer is found without you having to speak at all, which is excellent because, “opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

I know some of you are thinking, “But people won’t think I have anything to contribute.” People rarely think talkers have a lot to contribute. Even a fool seems wise if they keep their mouth shut. Waiting to talk is the habit of a wise person.

1. **Wait to Be Asked**

_Prov. 21:2_ _Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble._

You rarely need to talk. Become the quiet one. Let people ask you to talk. If no one is asking you to talk, it’s probably because you’re talking more than they would like.

When you wait you may even find that people will ask you to contribute. If they don’t, that’s okay because when you hold your tongue, “you will stay out of trouble.”

1. **Think Twice**

_Prov. 18:21_ _The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences._

This isn’t the idea of thinking before you speak. Take that idea to a whole new level. Think through what you will say twice. Think through all of the consequences of it and the implications of what you’re saying. Don’t think it quickly. Don’t think it through once, think it through twice. Begin to plan what you will say strategically. It may be that the conversation has moved past you if you do this, but that’s okay because those who don’t plan their words, those who love to talk, “will reap the consequences.”

1. **Listen**

_James 1:19_ _Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry._

Learn to enjoy listening. The key to listening is curiosity. Be a learner. Learners love to understand new things, including the people around them. Even the most meaningless of conversations can be a learning experience if you allow curiosity to get the best of you. Learners are less concerned with responding to the comments of those around them as they are in understanding them. Listen, because those who listen well are “slow to get angry.”

1. **Don’t Share Your Opinion**

_Prov. 18:2_ _Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions._

When you go to speak, ask yourself if this is factual truth or opinion. If it’s opinion, let it go. Fools go around airing their “own opinions.” We live in a culture where people are constantly creating ways to air their own opinions. It’s foolish. Let your opinions go.

1. **Eliminate Complaining**

_Phil. 2:14_ _Do everything without complaining and arguing._

If what you’re about to say is in any way a complaint, don’t speak. Don’t try to say it another way. Just don’t speak. You don’t need to.

1. **Encourage**

_1Th. 5:11_ _So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing._

There is a time to speak. Don’t hesitate to open your mouth when you see an opportunity to encourage. When that happens, don’t wait, go for it. Let yourself do that as much as you want. As a matter of fact, wear yourself out with it. Encourage so often that you no longer feel the need to talk about anything else.

If you begin to practice these seven things in your life, I promise you that your relationships will get better. You will love people better, and you will decrease the drama in your life substantially.

Try it for a week. See if you can be the quiet encourager in the group for one week. See what it’s like to follow God in controlling our tongue.


It Changes Everything

One of the things this season of life is teaching me is how to better empathize with others.

I realized recently that many of my single friends are likely experiencing a version of what I am now – this [longing for a season of life](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/finding-gratitude-amid-grief/) that has not yet happened. Maybe, like me, you face daily reminders that you are not where you want to be – they show up multiple times a day, reminding you that you are behind. You feel like there are massive roadblocks keeping you from a role you were meant to play. You feel silly being reduced to tears over the desire to be somewhere different from where you are right now. It feels wrong to be devastated by your goal to be in a life-giving, loving relationship not coming true in your desired time, but you are devastated nonetheless.

Friend, you have every right to feel that way.

I have so many amazing, attractive, successful friends who are single. I see all their incredible qualities and it seems to me that it is given that one day they will meet their match. I want to believe they will be rewarded for their years of faithfully waiting for that person and pursuing the callings on their lives while being open to love if it crosses their paths. I believe this because they have so much to offer, and because they deserve it. They seem to be doing everything right. But me telling my single friends that I know marriage will happen for them is not helpful, because I do not actually know that. My words are hopeful, but devoid of meaning.

When our friends are going through tough times, especially when they are sharing something painful with us, we tend to try to soothe their pain and offer advice. We offer platitudes because suffering and unrealized dreams make us feel uncomfortable. We want to fix it, make it better. We try to offer hope, but it often feels empty and falls flat.

Telling each other success stories is how we aim to prove that things will get better, that there is hope. And sometimes, we do find hope in those stories. But we need to be careful not to take one person’s story and use it as a rule for all people’s stories. It is a beautiful thing to have hope, but it’s another to make blanket statements and say because something happened for one person, it will happen for all of us.

We need to give ourselves and others permission to grieve instead of downplaying the reality of the suffering. Pretending that our circumstances are trivial or comparing our pain in degree to others’ does not make it less painful. Instead, it metastasizes as we try to push it down and ignore it.

Can we not trivialize the pain and try to make it go away? Can we instead just sit and say that yes, it sucks? Yes, it is hard. Can we practice acknowledging that it exists and just be with one another?

God has promised me certain things in my conversations with Him – that I will be a mother, one way or another – but it is not as worthwhile to hang on to those promises as it is to hang on to the One who made the promises in the first place. I believe in a promise-keeping God, because I know that to be His character. He is good. He is love. And He is trustworthy despite my circumstances. He has shown up before, throughout the course of history, and fulfilled promises for His people. But answered prayers often look far different from our expectations. There are plenty of unrealized promises still lingering.

So how do we acknowledge suffering and longing, but not dwell in it, refusing to move? What does it look like for you to choose joy?

_Erika is a dinner group leader and coach at Hoboken Grace. You can read more about faith, relationships, and life lessons on her blog, [Married in Mile Square City](http://marriedinmilesquarecity.com/)._


When Your Timelines Go Astray


\[Guardrails: a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas.\]

They’re everywhere, but they don’t really get much attention . . . until somebody hits one. And then, more often than not, it is a lifesaver.

Ever wonder what it would be like to have guardrails in other areas of your life—areas where culture baits you to the edge of disaster and then chastises you when you step across the line?

Your friendships. Your finances. Your marriage. Maybe your greatest regret could have been avoided if you had established guardrails. Join us for the next six weeks as we explore what it would look like to stop flirting with disaster and establish some personal guardrails.


Guardrails — Beginning February 14th

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A Diverse, Growing, Contemporary, Community Church in Hoboken

Everything we do revolves around our mission of helping people find their way back to God. Our goal is to demonstrate who God really is and to let others know that God wants a relationship with each and every one of us.

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