I’ve always been a natural host. Especially for those seeking a new, strong community. Early on in life, I realized that you don’t need the perfect event to pull that off. You just need someone to go first. In college, my dorm room would be the main hub where our friends would watch weekend movies or play quick rounds of Mario Kart between classes. Was my room the cleanest on campus? Not by a longshot. Did my room have anything special that other students didn’t have? Not really. Throw a rock, and you’d find hundreds of other students with a Nintendo Wii or a binder full of DVDs. Nothing about my space was unique at the end of the day. So why was it the spot other students in my orbit gravitated towards? Because I put out the invite that others were hesitant to. 

I’ve learned that creating community usually starts with someone opening the door first. Fast forward to my apartment in Jersey City Heights. It was around the holiday marathon season. You know the time I’m talking about. Halloween happens, and then you blink and it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years in what feels like one very long week of one event after another. My roommates and I had zero intention on hosting a Halloween party, a friendsgiving, or a New Years Eve party that year, but even still, we received text after text of friends asking us “are you guys doing anything for New Years?” or “do you know of any parties happening?” We did not know of anything that year, and it felt like nobody else did either. So, we stepped up and hosted ourselves!

We went from a Barbie and Ken themed Halloween party with everyone dressed in pink, to Friendsgiving where everyone wore sweaters, slacks and brought their own delicious dishes, to New Years Eve where we decided it was going to be a low-key night where people are encouraged to wear pajamas and bring blankets. Three different events, all looked totally different from the last. 

Reflecting on that season brought back memories to me in college hosting little get-togethers in my dorm room. Even as guys in our 30’s, the apartment we lived in was nothing special. We had a banister held together with duct tape, and even ran out of metal forks so we had to run out and buy plastic ones at the corner store. Did anyone care? Not even a little. People just wanted a warm, invited space to connect and have fun. 

Connection Events are a perfect example of that truth. Countless times, events that were supposed to be outdoors, but got rained out, still saw large numbers of people show up when we had to pivot to an indoor location. 

I’ll never forget a Coffee Crawl we were on the verge of canceling because of the weather. Instead of just outright calling it off, we decided to host it in a different coffee shop with a larger space and if people still wanted to come hangout they could. That event saw around 30-35 people attend. Some of which were brand new folks that still serve on teams to this day. It didn’t matter what the event was, but what did matter was the space we created for people to gather. 

I encounter people on a daily basis who tell me they’re craving community, or looking for a circle of closer friends, and my advice to them is sometimes uncomfortable to hear. “Well, what are you doing to create that community for yourself?” Being invited into someone’s group or someone’s event is a great feeling I’m sure we all love. But you know what’s even better? Being the one to create the space people can find a home in. Even if you just text three friends and invite them over, that can make a huge difference for everyone.

You don’t need the biggest living room, the most comfortable furniture or the clearest TV. Some of my most memorable moments with friends have been sitting on the ground, eating pizza, and playing Catan. Okay, that might not be for everyone, but you could also host a simple dinner party with a couple friends if you’re looking to make those connections or text a small group you’ve been dying to get to know better to get coffee on a Saturday morning. Maybe that looks like hosting a dinner group at your home. 

If you take anything from this, here it is. You don’t need perfection to create space for community. You just need an open heart and a willingness to let people in. Take a look at your own life and ask “who could I invite over for a game night this weekend?” or “who can I take a walk along the waterfront with tomorrow morning?” More people than you think are searching for community. Be that for them, and in return, you’ll create your own community.